I have a ten-year old daughter who is beautiful, smart, and compassionate. She is kind to almost everyone and yet for the second year in a row, girl’s are bullying her. This past week, at parent teacher conferences, her teacher said that she felt my daughter was an easy target because of her kindness and her loyalty to the girls. These girls proclaim to be her friend and the ring leader, (before I became aware the magnitude of the problem) has been to my home several times for play dates. While here she was on her best behavior, saying please and thank you and even including my youngest in the big girl play.
However, at school, this Queen Bee berates my daughter and gets the other girls to side with her. They call her names that aren’t quite mean enough to qualify for “real bullying”. The teacher made it clear that the behavior that is occurring isn’t bullying by the school standards. A definition that culturally and socially appears to have been defined from a male point of view. Almost all of us women know that female bullying is different. There are even movies dedicated to it. (If you don’t know understand what I’m saying rent Mean Girls, Cruel Intentions, or Heathers.) The Queen Bee is more manipulative and meaner than her male counterpart and therefore more damaging socially and emotionally. I’ve seen it with my older sister who still carries deep wounds that haven’t healed twenty years later and I’m now experiencing it with my child.
I am doing my best to solve the problem with my limited resources and support. I’ve requested to become involved in the classroom on a weekly basis and tonight someone gave me the book, The Odd One Out. According to this mom, it not only provides insight on female bully, but provides suggestions. I’m praying they’re helpful, but I would appreciate further suggestions from parents who’ve gone through the same thing. I’d also be interested to know how many other females have been bullied by other females. I’m interested to see how big of problem this really is and it doesn’t matter if you are six or sixty. Just leave a comment and if you don’t want it published for others to see, let me know.