If you’re a writer who’s been in the trenches for awhile, you know the importance of the first page of your manuscript. It’s supposed to do a myriad of things like establish voice, create character presence, and give an inkling of the premise. It’s a lot of pressure for one page. A while ago, I received a critique back from one of my CP’s (critique partners) and she provided insight into the first page, but more importantly she reacted to my first paragraph. She pointed out what she’d learned about the story and character just from reading the first six lines.

I thought it’d be fun to do First Paragraph Friday’s, where I critique the first  paragraph of either an unpublished manuscript or a published novel. If you want to participate, send me the first paragraph of your first page to writedahl (at) yahoo (dot) com and I’ll give you feedback about what I learned from it. Then you can decide if that’s what you wanted your reader to learn.

Today’s novel is THE INNOCENT ASSASSINS by Pema Donyo

There are three rules to staying an assassin at Covert Operatives: one, your parents must be deceased, two, your murder contracts must remain confidential, and three, you must be under the age of eighteen.

I love, love, love this opening. Did I tell you how much I love the opening paragraph? Yikes. I can’t believe how much the author captures in that one sentence.  (Do I wish I could write like that? Um, yes. Yes, I do!)

So enough gushing and onto the observations:

1. The author clearly shows that this is going to be a YA novel that falls under either the suspense or a thriller genre.
2. The main character must work alone to keep his/her contracts confidential and just by the sheer nature of the job, an anti-hero will be the main character, but not a bad one.
3. I think that this will be a fast-paced read full of surprises and twists and not because of the genre it falls under. The author feels like a master writer and I expect to be in good hands with what is promised by that one sentence alone.

If you’re a writer who’s been in the trenches for awhile, you know the importance of the first page of your manuscript. It’s supposed to do a myriad of things like establish voice, create character presence, and give an inkling of the premise. It’s a lot of pressure for one page. Recently, I received a critique back from one of my CP’s (critique partners) and she provided insight into the first page, but more importantly she reacted to my first paragraph. She pointed out what she’d learned about the story and character just from reading the first six lines.

I thought it’d be fun to do First Paragraph Friday’s, where I critique the first  paragraph of either an unpublished manuscript or a published novel. If you want to participate, send me the first paragraph of your first page to writedahl (at) yahoo (dot) com and I’ll give you feedback about what I learned from it. Then you can decide if that’s what you wanted your reader to learn.

Here’s the first paragraph of The Hit by Delilah S. Dawson:

The carefully folded strip of paper in my lucky locket reads I want to survive the next five days. I kiss it and tuck it under the tight neck of my long-sleeved black tee with solemn reverence my mom would give her rosary. Or, in the last six months, her Vicodin.

1. The tone of this novel reeks of desperation. The main character, I’m assuming it’s a she because of the locket, wants to survive the next 5 days.  And her mom has been abusing Vicodin for the last six months. Whatever caused her mom to go off the rails is probably the reason the next five days are going to suck. It is also ominous because it seems that the author has to save herself and her mom because her mom is incapacitated by her drug abuse.

2. I think the category is YA because once again her mother plays a central part of her life and so I don’t think this falls in the NA category.

3.  The story seems contemporary, but it’s hard to tell without any hint of the setting in the first paragraph.

4. The MC seems like she has and can rely on herself to get things done, to take care of herself and her mother.

Those are my observations. If you think I missed anything, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.

This post is different than the other posts because I have to add one new rule. While trying to read the last two books, I realized that some of the books I pick are not going to be a good fit for me, which is fine. However, when the book falls into an area where I feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, I will not finish reading it. This happened to the last two books. I’m not going to explain why I won’t finish them, everyone has their own reasons and I don’t want to taint other people’s views. So, the new rule is I reserve the right to quit reading the book at any time. This means that some of the observations will not be answered, ever.

Here are my observations for Speak No Evil by Allison Brennan, which I didn’t finish. My update comments are in red.

1. She knows him better than just a stranger. He might be a colleague or someone she dated. This was true.

2. She will die. (The girl said it in the first sentence and I believe it. Mostly because it’s a prologue and not the first chapter. If it were the first chapter, it might make the girl the protagonist/hero of the story and less likely to die so soon in the story.) This was also true.

3. The story will be about the man who killed her and his capture. This was true because it turned out to be a mystery/police procedural.

4. She will not be the only one he kills. I’m basing this one off the sentence, “He had no humanity.” I’m inferring that he needs to kill to satisfy some sick need inside of him. I didn’t finish this book so I don’t know, but from what I did read, I think it is true.

Here are my observations from The Banks Sisters by Nikki Turner, which I did not finish. Updated comments are in red.

1. I’m going to guess the genre of the book is a thriller. Not only because of the cover, but because of the last sentence…would cost everyone dearly. That means whatever is about to happen is going to have a wider effect than on more than one person. Also, the tone is ominous. I’m not sure if this is true or not.

2. I suspect it’s going to be fast paced and filled with some twists. The contrast of the van sitting on the corner being no big deal and that being a mistake leads me to believe this. It’s a little bit slower than I thought it would be, but it might pick up later on in the book.

3. Unfortunately, I have no clue about the main character, but the first paragraph is enough to entice me to read on or turn the page. The main character wasn’t introduced until a few pages later.

If you’re a writer who’s been in the trenches for awhile, you know the importance of the first page of your manuscript. It’s supposed to do a myriad of things like establish voice, create character presence, and give an inkling of the premise. It’s a lot of pressure for one page. Recently, I received a critique back from one of my CP’s (critique partners) and she provided insight into the first page, but more importantly she reacted to my first paragraph. She pointed out what she’d learned about the story and character just from reading the first six lines.

I thought it’d be fun to do First Paragraph Friday’s, where I critique the first  paragraph of either an unpublished manuscript or a published novel. If you want to participate, send me the first paragraph of your first page to writedahl (at) yahoo (dot) com and I’ll give you feedback about what I learned from it. Then you can decide if that’s what you wanted your reader to learn.

I picked The Banks Sisters by Nikki Turner. Usually I don’t look at the book cover other than to open it and read the first paragraph; however, this cover is stuck in my mind. On the front is three African American women and a picture of what I think is a bank vault. I picked it because of the three women of color on it. I support diversity and to support it, you have to read it. And it looks ominous. I love thrillers and suspense. So it seems it’s right up my ally. As for the remembering the cover, it’s going to effect my thoughts on the first paragraph. Nothing I can do about it now.

Here goes:

A black van had been squatting on the corner of Jefferson Avenue for the past twenty minutes. It was an older cargo van with limousine-grade tinted windows. It easily blended in with the other vehicles on the busy street that no one paid the van much attention. A mistake that would cost everyone dearly. 

My Observations:

1. I’m going to guess the genre of the book is a thriller. Not only because of the cover, but because of the last sentence…would cost everyone dearly. That means whatever is about to happen is going to have a wider effect than on more than one person. Also, the tone is ominous.

2. I suspect it’s going to be fast paced and filled with some twists. The contrast of the van sitting on the corner being no big deal and that being a mistake leads me to believe this.

3. Unfortunately, I have no clue about the main character, but the first paragraph is enough to entice me to read on or turn the page.

That’s it. Not much to go on, but I’m excited to read this book. I’d love to know if you picked up something differently than I did.

Wow this book completely blew me away as I had NO idea what was going to happen. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be way off on my observations. If you haven’t read the first paragraph, you can read it here.

***Spoiler alert. -Sorry I can’t do this without revealing some of the book.

My original observations are in black with the update in red.

1. Straight up creepy, right? It sounds as if chapter one is from the perspective of a killer/dangerous person. At first, I thought it was a prologue and I had to go to the table of contents to make sure it wasn’t. This killer knows his prey. He calls her Asian at first, but then narrows it down to Chinese. Next, he tells us her age, seventeen. Finally, he knows that she’s a street kid and that she has not been put to the test.  —I’m not going to reveal how much of this is wrong because it’ll ruin the whole book and I don’t want to do that. But I can say that dangerous person is right and that it is NOT a male, but a female. Mostly wrong on this one.

2. He wants to put her to the test. It’s evident that he doesn’t consider the guys with the “hungry stares” dangerous, when he says, “Faced with a real threat, how would this girl react….” He considers himself the real threat. —Mostly wrong again. The person does want to put her to the test, but he (she) isn’t the real threat.

3. The storyline is going to be about the person stalking the girl and the girl will be one of his victims, possibly his first. Since this chapter is told from his perspective, which is him sitting in a car watching the girl, I think that the story will have to be told from a variety of viewpoints so as to give the reader the whole picture.–Mostly wrong again!!! The story is about the person stalking the girl, but the girl isn’t one of his victims. The story is told from multiple POV’S including the female from the first chapter.

Sigh. I don’t know whether to chalk this up to Tess Gerritsen being a phenomenal writer, which she is, or because I got cocky and didn’t delve as deep as I should have. Maybe it’s both. If you haven’t read it, you should.

Here’s the blurb from Tess Gerritsen’s website:

In the murky shadows of an alley lies a female’s severed hand. On the tenement rooftop above is the corpse belonging to that hand, a red-haired woman dressed all in black, the body nearly decapitated. Two strands of silver hair — not human — cling to her body. They are Rizzoli’s only clues, but they’re enough for her and medical examiner Maura Isles to make a startling discovery: This violent death had a chilling prequel. Nineteen years earlier, a horrifying murder-suicide in a Chinatown restaurant left five people dead. One woman connected to that massacre is still alive: a mysterious martial arts master who knows a secret she dares not tell, a secret that lives and breathes in the shadows of Chinatown. A secret that may not even be human. Now she’s the target of someone, or something, deeply and relentlessly evil. Cracking a crime resonating with bone-chilling echoes of an ancient Chinese legend, Rizzoli and Isles must outwit an unseen enemy with centuries of cunning — and a swift, avenging blade.

Goodreads rates it as 3.78 stars.

No post today. I’m at Pikes Peak Writer’s Conference. Yayyyyyyyyyy! So excited as it is my one conference I get to go to every year.  I’ll pick up next week.

If you’re a writer who’s been in the trenches for awhile, you know the importance of the first page of your manuscript. It’s supposed to do a myriad of things like establish voice, create character presence, and give an inkling of the premise. It’s a lot of pressure for one page. Recently, I received a critique back from one of my CP’s (critique partners) and she provided insight into the first page, but more importantly she reacted to my first paragraph. She pointed out what she’d learned about the story and character just from reading the first six lines.

I thought it’d be fun to do First Paragraph Friday’s, where I critique the first  paragraph of either an unpublished manuscript or a published novel. If you want to participate, send me the first paragraph of your first page to writedahl (at) yahoo (dot) com and I’ll give you feedback about what I learned from it. Then you can decide if that’s what you wanted your reader to learn.

Today’s FPF is Speak No Evil by Allison Brennan. It’s another prologue and I’m curious to see how I’ll do with this one.

Here’s what I consider the first paragraph.

At the very beginning, she had seen his face and knew he would not let her live.

She couldn’t plead with him, he’d sealed her mouth shut. No way to beg, to appeal to his humanity. He had no humanity. Why hadn’t she seen it before? Had she been so blind that when he looked at her she couldn’t see the hatred, the anger, the sick lust?

My Observations:

1. She knows him better than just a stranger. He might be a colleague or someone she dated.

2. She will die. (The girl said it in the first sentence and I believe it. Mostly because it’s a prologue and not the first chapter. If it were the first chapter, it might make the girl the protagonist/hero of the story and less likely to die so soon in the story.)

3. The story will be about the man who killed her and his capture.

4. She will not be the only one he kills. I’m basing this one off the sentence, “He had no humanity.” I’m inferring that he needs to kill to satisfy some sick need inside of him.

That’s my observations. If you think I missed something, please feel free to add your own observations in the comment section.

If you’re a writer who’s been in the trenches for awhile, you know the importance of the first page of your manuscript. It’s supposed to do a myriad of things like establish voice, create character presence, and give an inkling of the premise. It’s a lot of pressure for one page. Recently, I received a critique back from one of my CP’s (critique partners) and she provided insight into the first page, but more importantly she reacted to my first paragraph. She pointed out what she’d learned about the story and character just from reading the first six lines.

I thought it’d be fun to do First Paragraph Friday’s, where I critique the first  paragraph of either an unpublished manuscript or a published novel. If you want to participate, send me the first paragraph of your first page to writedahl (at) yahoo (dot) com and I’ll give you feedback about what I learned from it. Then you can decide if that’s what you wanted your reader to learn.

Today’s FPF is The Silent Girl by Tess Gerritsen. I haven’t read the back cover or looked at the front cover. (To be fair, it’s an e-book, so I did glance at the cover, but I picked out a bunch of books and can’t recall what it looked like.)

Here’s what I consider the first paragraph.

All day, I have been watching the girl.

She gives no indication that she’s aware of me, although my rental car is within view of the street corner where she and the other teenagers have gathered this afternoon, doing whatever bored kids do to pass the time. She looks younger than the others, but perhaps it’s because she’s Asian and petite at seventeen, just a wisp of a girl. Her black hair is cropped as short as a boy’s, and her blue jeans are ragged and torn. Not a fashion statement, I think, but a result of hard use and life on the streets. She puffs on a cigarette and exhales a cloud of smoke with the nonchalance of a street thug, an attitude that doesn’t match her pale face and delicate Chinese features. She is pretty enough to attract the hungry stares of two men who pass by. The girl notices their looks and glares straight back at them, unafraid, but it’s easy to be fearless when danger is merely an abstract concept. Faced with a real threat, how would this girl react, I wonder. Would she put up a fight or would she crumble? I want to know what she’s made of, but I have not seen her put to the test.

Observations:

1. Straight up creepy, right? It sounds as if chapter one is from the perspective of a killer/dangerous person. At first, I thought it was a prologue and I had to go to the table of contents to make sure it wasn’t. This killer knows his prey. He calls her Asian at first, but then narrows it down to Chinese. Next, he tells us her age, seventeen. Finally, he knows that she’s a street kid and that she has not been put to the test.

2. He wants to put her to the test. It’s evident that he doesn’t consider the guys with the “hungry stares” dangerous, when he says, “Faced with a real threat, how would this girl react….” He considers himself the real threat.

3. The storyline is going to be about the person stalking the girl and the girl will be one of his victims, possibly his first. Since this chapter is told from his perspective, which is him sitting in a car watching the girl, I think that the story will have to be told from a variety of viewpoints so as to give the reader the whole picture.

That’s my observations. If you think I missed something, please feel free to add your own observations in the comment section.

Due to a fab trip to Cancun and the kiddos Spring Break, there is no FPF today. I will pick it up next week.

If you didn’t read my original post about how much I love Harlan Coben, I’m going to say it one more time. I love Harlan Coben’s books!! Go out and read all of them. You won’t be sorry. I promise. Okay, now that’s out of my system onto the update.

The original observations are listed in black and what I discovered from reading the book is written in red.

Observations:

1. I think that his life is all a lie and that’s why it’s going to shatter because he wants to remain a “married father of two”. I think I’m partially right and partially wrong. First of all, there is one lie that effects Adam’s life, but it does shatter his whole world.

2. The story will be how he built his life and why it had to shatter. Once again, I’m going to say I’m half right and half wrong. It is about his life and why it had to shatter, but I thought it would be because he DID something in his past. He really didn’t do anything, but he wanted to and that’s why it changed everything.

3. There will be tons of twists and turns. **The author does it all the time in all of his stories, so it’s more than a guess. But for this book, you get a hint of it when he uses contradictory words, like shatter, caring, content. I think it’s a lull to make us believe that Adam’s life was/is ordinary, when there’s a bigger story, possibly a lie that Adam has hidden from everybody. Yep, like I thought and expected, there were a ton of twists and turns. In fact, there were so many that at times I couldn’t breathe.

If you’re thinking of reading the book, here’s the blurb from Harlan Coben’s website:

The Stranger appears out of nowhere, perhaps in a bar, or a parking lot, or at the grocery store. His identity is unknown. His motives are unclear. His information is undeniable. Then he whispers a few words in your ear and disappears, leaving you picking up the pieces of your shattered world.

Adam Price has a lot to lose: a comfortable marriage to a beautiful woman, two wonderful sons, and all the trappings of the American Dream: a big house, a good job, a seemingly perfect life.

Then he runs into the Stranger. When he learns a devastating secret about his wife, Corinne, he confronts her, and the mirage of perfection disappears as if it never existed at all. Soon Adam finds himself tangled in something far darker than even Corinne’s deception, and realizes that if he doesn’t make exactly the right moves, the conspiracy he’s stumbled into will not only ruin lives—it will end them.

**On Goodreads, the book has a 4 1/2 star rating. Personally, I give it a five!